Bold, Brave and Beautiful

It's safe to say that everyone changes when in a relationship. Some change for the better and some for the worse. Now I'd like to say that in my twisted relationship I changed for the better.. but then, I'd be lying. That's right. I changed for the worse. I could feel myself heading in a horrible direction. Backward.

Every relationship weighs in on our disposition. Ten years in a passive-aggressive turned physically abusive relationship weighed on me pretty hard. It first chipped away at my self-confidence, then my ability to stand up for my beliefs, and finally it took away my very essence - the adventurous, random, caring centre of my soul. What was left was mean, dark, hateful, empty. It happened because I let it. And what it feels like, is, the kiss of a dementor. But, I eventually conjured my Patronus.

Everyone will find themselves in this position at some point in their life. The important thing to remember is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will pull through and find yourself. Granted, it will not be easy but it won't be impossible.

When I left, it took a while to process the enormity of my decision. And internal battle after battle, I finally won the war. I was certain that this was the best decision for me and my boys. So with that out of the way, the next step was infinitely harder. Rediscovery.

A lot of the things I do today are things that I always wanted to do but never got around to doing. My tattoo and my red and purple hair are testimony to the fact that I look on the outside how I feel on the inside - bold, brave and beautiful. I find time to spend with my family and my friends. I spend the entire week between being a mom and working. I go out every Saturday to gather sanity to last another week. Most importantly, I will not allow anything to stand in my way again.

In a relationship we forget that there are two individuals just as much as there is one unit. You don't need to be single to do the things you want to do. Chalk out your bucket list. Start ticking it off whenever you can. Devote some amount of time every week for yourself. Your mind needs it. Your heart needs it. If you cannot be happy with yourself, you are bound to change for the worse. It's never too late to do the things you want to do. It's only when you are comfortable with who you are can you lend yourself to a relationship with the guarantee that there is only one direction you can go from there. Forward.

Ups, Downs and Loops Thrown In

Hello everyone,

This is my very first post. I have never maintained a blog before and I probably would suck at this, but, I am giving myself the chance to try something new. I have had a couple of people tell me that I should blog so, here goes.

A roller coaster of a life is exactly what I have experienced so far! My life hasn't been harder or easier than anyone else's but it's been my life. I'm a 28-year-old, single, working mother of two boys (human and canine). As simple as it is, this is who I am. A woman. A mother. A divorcee. I love my boys. Equally! And I was a victim of domestic abuse.

So why do I call it a roller coaster of a life? Because I have had ups and downs and loops thrown in. I have been tossed around and have felt sick to my stomach. As you can guess by now, I have not had a normal life with normal milestones, as a result of my decisions. I finished school when I was 17. This is how I thought my life would pan out thereafter: attend college, date a couple of guys, start work, move up in my career, meet the man of my dreams, get married, wait a while to have a child; by this time I'm 30.

Instead! Here's how that panned out: started dating, attended college, started working, got married, had a child two years later, got divorced, now working again and moving up in my career; all this before I turned 28. See what I mean by 'roller coaster'.

I am often asked if I regret any part of my life. I most definitely do not regret a single thing. Care to know why? Well, I believe in learning a lesson from every experience. Good or bad, it is irrespective. Those who regret are those who do not learn from their mistakes. I could say, "I regret marrying my ex-husband against the wishes of many," or "I regret not leaving sooner," but, this is how I look at it. If I didn't marry my ex-husband against my family's wishes I would have never learnt to value my family's opinions and I wouldn't have my boys. If I had left sooner than I did, I wouldn't have learnt to love and respect myself like I do now. Do you get the drift?

Take your time to make your decisions. And if you've made the wrong one, it's okay. You can still learn from it and be a better person, a better version of yourself. Every decision we take affects our karma. Karma isn't 'bad juju'. Karma is the spiritual principle of cause and effect where one's actions influences one's future. For every ill decision I took, it affected my future accordingly. But here's the thing about karma. You can turn it around! Do better, be better, and I guarantee, you will feel better.