It's safe to say that everyone changes when in a relationship. Some change for the better and some for the worse. Now I'd like to say that in my twisted relationship I changed for the better.. but then, I'd be lying. That's right. I changed for the worse. I could feel myself heading in a horrible direction. Backward.
Every relationship weighs in on our disposition. Ten years in a passive-aggressive turned physically abusive relationship weighed on me pretty hard. It first chipped away at my self-confidence, then my ability to stand up for my beliefs, and finally it took away my very essence - the adventurous, random, caring centre of my soul. What was left was mean, dark, hateful, empty. It happened because I let it. And what it feels like, is, the kiss of a dementor. But, I eventually conjured my Patronus.
Everyone will find themselves in this position at some point in their life. The important thing to remember is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will pull through and find yourself. Granted, it will not be easy but it won't be impossible.
When I left, it took a while to process the enormity of my decision. And internal battle after battle, I finally won the war. I was certain that this was the best decision for me and my boys. So with that out of the way, the next step was infinitely harder. Rediscovery.
A lot of the things I do today are things that I always wanted to do but never got around to doing. My tattoo and my red and purple hair are testimony to the fact that I look on the outside how I feel on the inside - bold, brave and beautiful. I find time to spend with my family and my friends. I spend the entire week between being a mom and working. I go out every Saturday to gather sanity to last another week. Most importantly, I will not allow anything to stand in my way again.
In a relationship we forget that there are two individuals just as much as there is one unit. You don't need to be single to do the things you want to do. Chalk out your bucket list. Start ticking it off whenever you can. Devote some amount of time every week for yourself. Your mind needs it. Your heart needs it. If you cannot be happy with yourself, you are bound to change for the worse. It's never too late to do the things you want to do. It's only when you are comfortable with who you are can you lend yourself to a relationship with the guarantee that there is only one direction you can go from there. Forward.
Every relationship weighs in on our disposition. Ten years in a passive-aggressive turned physically abusive relationship weighed on me pretty hard. It first chipped away at my self-confidence, then my ability to stand up for my beliefs, and finally it took away my very essence - the adventurous, random, caring centre of my soul. What was left was mean, dark, hateful, empty. It happened because I let it. And what it feels like, is, the kiss of a dementor. But, I eventually conjured my Patronus.
Everyone will find themselves in this position at some point in their life. The important thing to remember is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will pull through and find yourself. Granted, it will not be easy but it won't be impossible.
When I left, it took a while to process the enormity of my decision. And internal battle after battle, I finally won the war. I was certain that this was the best decision for me and my boys. So with that out of the way, the next step was infinitely harder. Rediscovery.
A lot of the things I do today are things that I always wanted to do but never got around to doing. My tattoo and my red and purple hair are testimony to the fact that I look on the outside how I feel on the inside - bold, brave and beautiful. I find time to spend with my family and my friends. I spend the entire week between being a mom and working. I go out every Saturday to gather sanity to last another week. Most importantly, I will not allow anything to stand in my way again.
In a relationship we forget that there are two individuals just as much as there is one unit. You don't need to be single to do the things you want to do. Chalk out your bucket list. Start ticking it off whenever you can. Devote some amount of time every week for yourself. Your mind needs it. Your heart needs it. If you cannot be happy with yourself, you are bound to change for the worse. It's never too late to do the things you want to do. It's only when you are comfortable with who you are can you lend yourself to a relationship with the guarantee that there is only one direction you can go from there. Forward.
