Someone asked me the other day, "How did you pick yourself up after what happened with your ex?" Up until that point I never really thought about it. So when I was faced with this question, I started to recall the different stages I went through and anyone who has been through betrayal or heartbreak of any kind will understand how it goes.
STAGE 1: Constant crying
It is quite understandable for someone who is heartbroken to constantly be in tears, and I mean ugly crying. You wonder why this happened to you. What did you do in your life to deserve this? Every single thing around you will remind you of that one person you are so desperately trying to forget. You don't want to get out of bed, you don't feel like eating, you just want to sleep all day long because you want the days to pass. So if you or anyone you know is currently in this stage, let me assure you that it'll be over soon. Slowly, the crying spells lessen and you will find yourself in the next stage.
STAGE 2: Hate!
Yea, hate! You move from feeling sorry for yourself to hating the person and everything they did to you. You will curse them and swear at them, maybe even stick pins in a voodoo doll. Hey, whatever works for you! A lot of people will advise you that you should be the bigger person and go beyond the hate and forgive them, but I say HELL NO! If you are currently in this stage, then my next sentence is for you. Take YOUR time to deal with YOUR feelings YOUR way. Only once you are done feeling all that anger, will you find yourself moving up to the next stage.
STAGE 3: Standing tall
Why I suggest you express all that anger that you have suppressed is because once it's all out you will feel free and liberated. Expressing oneself especially in a tough situation is extremely important. Keeping your feelings bottled up or forgiving when you aren't ready will definitely cause you to emotionally implode.
Now, the weight is off your shoulders. You can finally dust yourself off and stand tall. You will start to experience happiness in the company of others, be it with your family or closest friend or even someone you were once close to whom you lost touch with. This is the stage when you will start to do the things you've always wanted to do. You'll enjoy company and you'll also enjoy spending some much needed 'ME' time. This is the stage you want to be at! But don't presume that once you are here you can't regress. It can happen but what's important is that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is and then pull yourself up when you are ready.
The best part about being in this stage is that you will start to fill the once empty spaces with people and things that you love. You may even open yourself up to feel love again. If you are currently in this stage then rejoice, because you will soon be moving on to the final stage.
STAGE 4: Me, myself and someone new
Contrary to popular belief, it is not necessary that we must always be with someone. This stage is all about you and your own life. Nothing you do or say or feel will have anything to do with your ex. It will be all about YOU and what you want to do, who you want to be.
You can't get to this point without going through each stage at your own pace. As much as people like to advise others, it is within your rights to do what's best for you. This is when you truly start to heal. Looking at another couple won't bother you anymore. Maybe someone compliments you and you blush. Whatever be the case, know that it's all sunshine and blue skies for your mending heart.
STAGE 1: Constant crying
It is quite understandable for someone who is heartbroken to constantly be in tears, and I mean ugly crying. You wonder why this happened to you. What did you do in your life to deserve this? Every single thing around you will remind you of that one person you are so desperately trying to forget. You don't want to get out of bed, you don't feel like eating, you just want to sleep all day long because you want the days to pass. So if you or anyone you know is currently in this stage, let me assure you that it'll be over soon. Slowly, the crying spells lessen and you will find yourself in the next stage.
STAGE 2: Hate!
Yea, hate! You move from feeling sorry for yourself to hating the person and everything they did to you. You will curse them and swear at them, maybe even stick pins in a voodoo doll. Hey, whatever works for you! A lot of people will advise you that you should be the bigger person and go beyond the hate and forgive them, but I say HELL NO! If you are currently in this stage, then my next sentence is for you. Take YOUR time to deal with YOUR feelings YOUR way. Only once you are done feeling all that anger, will you find yourself moving up to the next stage.
STAGE 3: Standing tall
Why I suggest you express all that anger that you have suppressed is because once it's all out you will feel free and liberated. Expressing oneself especially in a tough situation is extremely important. Keeping your feelings bottled up or forgiving when you aren't ready will definitely cause you to emotionally implode.
Now, the weight is off your shoulders. You can finally dust yourself off and stand tall. You will start to experience happiness in the company of others, be it with your family or closest friend or even someone you were once close to whom you lost touch with. This is the stage when you will start to do the things you've always wanted to do. You'll enjoy company and you'll also enjoy spending some much needed 'ME' time. This is the stage you want to be at! But don't presume that once you are here you can't regress. It can happen but what's important is that you allow yourself to feel whatever it is and then pull yourself up when you are ready.
The best part about being in this stage is that you will start to fill the once empty spaces with people and things that you love. You may even open yourself up to feel love again. If you are currently in this stage then rejoice, because you will soon be moving on to the final stage.
STAGE 4: Me, myself and someone new
Contrary to popular belief, it is not necessary that we must always be with someone. This stage is all about you and your own life. Nothing you do or say or feel will have anything to do with your ex. It will be all about YOU and what you want to do, who you want to be.
You can't get to this point without going through each stage at your own pace. As much as people like to advise others, it is within your rights to do what's best for you. This is when you truly start to heal. Looking at another couple won't bother you anymore. Maybe someone compliments you and you blush. Whatever be the case, know that it's all sunshine and blue skies for your mending heart.
Very good analysis, Kamna. Great to see you coming out stronger, happier and prettier than ever. Good going, my dear
ReplyDeleteThank you aunty!
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